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Thanks to Mickey Horne for the great pictures!
Recently at UUCY, our interim minister, The Rev. Lyn Cox spoke about loss.
"Human beings are united in the experience of loss," she said. "Yet, when we are in the thick of it, we don’t always feel connected."
Listen to the homily above -- or read along below.
Memories and Legacies
By Rev. Lyn Cox
A homily for the multigenerational “Remembering” worship service
October 30, 2016
Loss is something that binds us together, even when it makes us feel isolated.
Over the last few months, we have been hearing on the news about a lot of things that divide us. There are many ideas about how to help our country to get better at being fair, just, strong, and safe for everyone. I have some experience sitting with families as they experience loss. I can tell you that, no matter what people think about politics, everyone who has to say goodbye to a loved one who died experiences grief.
We might show our sadness, anger, and fear differently, according to personality or culture. We might have different ways of appreciating and showing gratitude for the one whose life touched ours. Yet we all grieve. We need one another. Regardless of what happens on the world stage in the coming weeks, let us try to remember how to be together in the hour of our most profound life passages.
Human beings are united in the experience of loss. Yet, when we are in the thick of it, we don’t always feel connected. The narrator in the story didn’t want to do the things they normally did. They didn’t want to watch TV or eat cookies. It was easy to get into an argument with a friend. Grief can make us distracted and irritable. Sadness can make us feel alone. We might even know in our minds that there are friends around us, yet not be able to focus on any relationship other than the one that has been changed by death.
This is why we have rituals and sacred communities. This is why we organize people to drop off casseroles and to gather for memorial services. This is why we write our memories of the one who died in our sympathy cards, and why we listen when a grieving person wants to talk. When the grieving person is carrying a sadness so heavy that they can’t also carry their sense of connection, the community has to carry that sense of connection for them, at least for a little while. We help them honor the loss, to acknowledge it as real and powerful. Then we stick by them. Little by little, one thing at a time, the grieving person will be ready to return to regular routines. It will feel awkward at first. We keep inviting them back into community, in their own time and in their own way.
In our congregation, we have many ideas about what happens to someone’s spirit after they die. Some of us believe our loved ones who died are in heaven. Some of us believe they are in the ground. Some of us believe that our souls live again in new bodies. In any case, we know that those we loved who died have made a difference to us. We have our memories. We can take time to appreciate the things they valued. We can remember that, even though living things die, love can live on.
Love is the greatest legacy. A legacy is something good that we create and that we hand off to the generations who follow us. A legacy is an idea or a resource or a heritage that we receive from a previous generation and that we carry forward, shaping it and growing it so that the best of the past meets the promise of the future.
Something I often write in sympathy cards is, “May your memories bring you comfort. May the love they left as their legacy bring you peace.” May it be so for all of us.
So be it. Blessed be. Amen.
"Human beings are united in the experience of loss," she said. "Yet, when we are in the thick of it, we don’t always feel connected."
Listen to the homily above -- or read along below.
Memories and Legacies
By Rev. Lyn Cox
A homily for the multigenerational “Remembering” worship service
October 30, 2016
Loss is something that binds us together, even when it makes us feel isolated.
Over the last few months, we have been hearing on the news about a lot of things that divide us. There are many ideas about how to help our country to get better at being fair, just, strong, and safe for everyone. I have some experience sitting with families as they experience loss. I can tell you that, no matter what people think about politics, everyone who has to say goodbye to a loved one who died experiences grief.
We might show our sadness, anger, and fear differently, according to personality or culture. We might have different ways of appreciating and showing gratitude for the one whose life touched ours. Yet we all grieve. We need one another. Regardless of what happens on the world stage in the coming weeks, let us try to remember how to be together in the hour of our most profound life passages.
Human beings are united in the experience of loss. Yet, when we are in the thick of it, we don’t always feel connected. The narrator in the story didn’t want to do the things they normally did. They didn’t want to watch TV or eat cookies. It was easy to get into an argument with a friend. Grief can make us distracted and irritable. Sadness can make us feel alone. We might even know in our minds that there are friends around us, yet not be able to focus on any relationship other than the one that has been changed by death.
This is why we have rituals and sacred communities. This is why we organize people to drop off casseroles and to gather for memorial services. This is why we write our memories of the one who died in our sympathy cards, and why we listen when a grieving person wants to talk. When the grieving person is carrying a sadness so heavy that they can’t also carry their sense of connection, the community has to carry that sense of connection for them, at least for a little while. We help them honor the loss, to acknowledge it as real and powerful. Then we stick by them. Little by little, one thing at a time, the grieving person will be ready to return to regular routines. It will feel awkward at first. We keep inviting them back into community, in their own time and in their own way.
In our congregation, we have many ideas about what happens to someone’s spirit after they die. Some of us believe our loved ones who died are in heaven. Some of us believe they are in the ground. Some of us believe that our souls live again in new bodies. In any case, we know that those we loved who died have made a difference to us. We have our memories. We can take time to appreciate the things they valued. We can remember that, even though living things die, love can live on.
Love is the greatest legacy. A legacy is something good that we create and that we hand off to the generations who follow us. A legacy is an idea or a resource or a heritage that we receive from a previous generation and that we carry forward, shaping it and growing it so that the best of the past meets the promise of the future.
Something I often write in sympathy cards is, “May your memories bring you comfort. May the love they left as their legacy bring you peace.” May it be so for all of us.
So be it. Blessed be. Amen.
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